In The Past
by Ten Story
Summary: Cloud and Sephiroth discover one another. Written in Sephiroth's point of view during the Nibelheim incident. rated for extreme sexual content and brief language.
1. Chapter 1

The rain was beating hard against the window panes of the truck as we bounced along the muddy road. I could hear the tires roaring through the puddles and the splashes of water hitting us on all sides. It was curious in the fact that I felt as if we were driving underwater-- the truck itself like a tiny piece of sand pushed in and out in the tide. The sporadic and jerky movements of the vehicle did not bother me in the slightest, but it was a different story for my other two companions.

It made Zack restless. He paced up and down wildly through the cargo area of the truck where we were sitting as we were driven to our destination. On numerous occasions I had asked him to sit down, as his irritated state was in turn making me irritated. But he always simply shrugged and answered, "Can't help it, boss. All the flooding around here makes anxious. I mean, what if water comes down the road while we're climbin' the mountain and bowls us over? Not too much for swimmin', boss."

"lieutenant, you _will_ contain yourself or I will force you to." I eventually snapped back at him.

After that, he simply cursed , sat next to Cloud, and let his knee bounce quickly up and down as his only form of release.

Cloud was an intermediate Soldier who happened to be Zack's best friend. Since Zack was my second, he would always accompany me on my missions, and would always request Cloud to be one of his bodyguards so they could stay together. At first I expressed concern for the situation; after all, I didn't want the pair of them along if they proved to be constantly distracted from the objective with social hour. But Zack had promised me early on that nothing would cause him to falter from his duty, and since then he has been true to his word.

Cloud was barely a sixteen-year-old. He proved to be practically useless in battle and he was constantly getting motion sick from any mode of transportation that we cared to take. At the moment he was clutching the railing of the back of the seat in a death grip, trying unsuccessfully to make himself be still despite the bouncing truck. On top of that, whenever I told him to do something, he could never answer me without stuttering. He could never look me in the eye, either. At first I couldn't tell whether this was insubordination or simply cowardice, until Zack enlightened me on the situation.

When I told him what I thought, I remember he laughed long and hard for a few moments, and when he finally had enough breath to speak he said, "You're his hero, Sephiroth. He grew up on war stories about you, just like everybody else in Soldier. Give him a break, will ya?"

Then he had continued to laugh. And I had not understood.

I had never been…around many people during my childhood. I had been told since the beginning that I was a special child and I was meant for great things, but in my heart I felt that I was not much different from anyone else. Then came the wars, and suddenly I wasn't so much of a secret anymore. My name was in every headline of every newspaper across the world. I didn't know why I was famous. After all, I had only killed hundreds of people because I was told to. My life's purpose was to secure world dominion and unity under The Shinra Company, so I really couldn't figure out why exactly I was so popular with the rest of the populace. Didn't they feel that I was stealing their right to choose? Their right to freedom? Even the monsters that I have killed to protect the people were caused by Shinra reactor malfunctions in the first place.

A guardian of mine gave her opinion to me on the matter when I explained to her how confused I was. She told me that the Shinra were trying to make me a hero so that even people who were against Shinra would be inclined to join them. I was a just, kind man in the eyes of the media. If I fought for peace and was also on the Shinra's side, then who could possibly say that the Shinra were bad?

So all the people of the world thought I was a hero because the media had told them that I was. How could I possibly be anyone's idol? If they only knew the truth, they would not think so well of me.

For many months now, I have found myself fixated on this idea. And for some reason, perhaps simply because the subject came up at the same time, I have decided convince Cloud of the truth. I consider him a kind of experiment, if you will. If I can get him to understand that all I have done in my life is take away peoples' choices to decide between being free or not, then perhaps I can have at least one person who knows the true me, instead of some sort of a heroic archetype. I long for this more than anything else. After all, when will I be able to start living my life for myself, and not for my superiors? Was that day ever meant to come for me?

Now was the time to find out.

I often asked myself if I had special interest in Cloud, seeing as he was the target of my first attempt at the experiment. Did I really want him to be the first one who knew me? Did I care for him that much? As I have hinted before, I never much cared for Cloud until one day, whilst I was walking through the barracks of the Soldier training camp near Kalm, I saw him there, sitting by the screen door and writing something furiously on a piece of paper.

I decided to watch him quietly.

It was also raining that day. The sky was a chalky gray and it was miserably humid. All the rest of the first level soldiers that were also training there were taking their free time to sleep or play cards. But not Cloud. He only kept his hand to that piece of paper and kept writing, as if it were the only thing he knew in this world.

Finally, he picked up the paper and held it up to the light of the door a little more. Then he recited what he had written:

"Skies of gray, though you cry, do you feel sadness?

Skies of blue, though deep and rich, do you feel happiness?

Though I am not as blue as you, I want to be happy.

And though I am not as gray as you, I want to be able to shed my tears."

"What tears do you have to shed?" I had asked him, aware that I was rudely interrupting a very private moment. But at the moment I had been touched by the passion with which he had scribbled on that piece of paper. It was a terrible poem, but I loved how he had hunched over it and hardly blinked as he poured his mind into ink on the page. I…don't think I've ever felt such passion for anything in my entire life. Is that what makes someone alive?

He had jumped so quickly that he knocked over the tiny stool he had been sitting on. He then tried to salute but he dropped the pen and paper. When he tried to pick them and the stool up, he turned in circles several times, not sure what to do first.

"I'm so-sorry sir. Captain, sir. I didn't see you there."

Unaware if I should apologize or simply leave, I decided to do neither and I walked up to the screen door and watched the rain. He soon joined me and we stood there together, for many long moments. The smell of the humidity and his sweat were mingling in my nose.

"I asked you a question, Soldier."

"I'm sorry sir."

Still he refused to answer, even though he knew what it meant to refuse information to me. But I suppose it didn't matter. It was a personal question.

"Keep writing." I finally said as I walked away.

"Yes sir." he whispered to my back.

We had not been alone and had not exchanged private words for some time after that.

My gloved fingers shuffled through the papers I had in my hand while there was awkward silence throughout the truck. Finally the driver called back to us:

"About ten miles, Captain."

"Thank you." I called back. I saw out of the corner of my eye Cloud put his head between his knees.

"Will you brief us now, boss?" Zack questioned. "You said you would when we got close."

"Very well." I sighed, tossing the papers to the side. "Apparently, there have been reports of several mutated beasts coming from the Mako Reactor. These mutations have been attacking the townspeople and must be neutralized. Our objectives are to eliminate every last one of them, find the cause for the mutations, and then fix the problem. Understood?"

"Sure, boss. Got it." Zack smiled with a wink.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Cloud, trying to make warm conversation (a skill which I have never been very good at).

The sound of my voice directed at him made him even paler than he already was. I felt slightly guilty about it, but his attempt at a smile in my direction made me feel slightly better.

"Oh, I'm fine, sir. Really." he lied. "A-are we um…close to ho--I mean, the target destination, sir?"

Zack laughed and put Cloud's head in a harsh head lock.

"You excited about seein' mommy, buttercup?"

"Sh-shut up, Zack!"

"Mother?" I asked calmly, interrupting the childish banter.

"Buttercup here's got family in Nibelheim, boss. Its his hometown."

"Really?…Interesting."

They both stared at me as I dove into deep thought.

"Do you have a hometown, sir? Where do your parents live?" Cloud asked.

"…No. I don't have a hometown. My mother was Jenova. She died giving birth to me. My father…."

I laughed out loud suddenly, much to their surprise. This subject for me was of a somber character, and I didn't really wish to speak of it anyway. Perhaps I had only answered it because it was Cloud who had asked.

"What does it matter, anyway? And as long as we're on the subject, what city, pray tell, did the lieutenant plague with his birth?" I asked, attempting to make a joke.

Zack apparently understood the nature of the question and laughed, but Cloud simply looked puzzled.

"Gongaga, boss. South of Costa Del Sol. Real small town- I'd be surprised if you'd heard of it."

Then, suddenly, a large thwapping sound accompanied a severe hit to the side of the truck. My instinct told me to reach for my sword, which I did. I always taught myself to follow my instincts.

I heard fragments of the driver violently turning the steering wheel to the left away from whatever hit us and cursing.

"What the hell was that?"

"Cloud, hey, buttercup, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just hit my head…"

"Boss, hey boss!" Zack yelled at me. "What was that?"

I yanked open the back door to the cargo hold and jumped out of the truck. Quite an unusual site greeted me as my eyes adjusted to the bright gray light of the sky and the droplets of rain falling on my face.

A monstrous green lizard, about ten feet high, was walking along next to the road, heading towards a small cottage. Two men with pitchforks and various other farm tools were trying to fend the beast off from the cottage while a woman screamed on the small porch. Zack and Cloud jumped out of the truck and stood next to me. Thick mud and tiny streams of water made up the road we stood on-- our shoes sinking slowly into the sludge. The three of us unsheathed our swords.

"That…would be one of our monsters." I said calmly.

"We can take it." Cloud said as he began to walk towards the scene. Without a second thought I grabbed his arm and held him next to me. A wave of something I could not explain flooded into my heart-- the best way I could explain it was a protective feeling towards Cloud. I didn't have time to contemplate why exactly I felt this way-- the thought occurred to me briefly that I was in charge and I was simply making sure that there were no unnecessary injuries in the group, but that didn't feel quite right. I promised myself I would think on it later and I handed Cloud his machine gun.

"You cover us, Cloud. Keep away from it and get in a shot when you can. Zack, let's go."

"You said it boss."

Immediately we both ran towards the creature and attacked it from the rear, hoping to distract it from the farmers. When they saw us they immediately ran back into the cottage, perhaps understanding that we could take care of it far better than they could, and they would just be getting in our way. I sliced the Masamune through one of its hind legs and it roared in response. If Cloud had anything going for him, it was that he was an excellent shot and he had already hit it three times close to the eyes. At this rate, the fight would be over before it really began.

Zack jumped upward and came down on it swiftly to give it the final blow. Its head rolled away from its body only to rest in a large puddle of mud. It bled a greenish color and it splattered over the both of us. Zack cursed.

"Damn, that's nasty…" he growled as he shook his hands off. In my observations of the body, I surveyed the number '146' tattooed on the sole of the monster's back foot. Very curious…

I was just about to say good job when I heard a loud roar and a sound of steel cutting into flesh from behind me. I immediately turned around to see Cloud desperately blocking with his sword the giant claws of yet another lizard monster, who was bearing down practically all its weight on the trapped soldier.

"C-Cloud!" Zack yelled. Again in simple instinct I ran to the monster and jumped up on it's back, driving the Masamune strait down into it's neck and killing it instantly. I managed to pull it to the side so it would not fall on Cloud, and when I climbed off of the great hulking body, I saw Cloud lying in the mud, breathing heavily.

Zack and I both ran to him but I reached him first. I felt no awkwardness holding him in my arms-- I felt only concern. A deep, heavy concern that bared down upon every other emotion that I had at the time. Why this was I still didn't know.

His eyes were open and he looked alright to me. The back of his blade had been pushed so deeply into the palms of his hands that they were bleeding profusely, but it was easily fixable. Cloud had always been a very brave soul, but I had never seen anyone take on something as large as that without screaming out in fear or pain. And from the look of his hands, he was in a great deal of pain.

"Captain, sir…" he whispered to me without stuttering. "I'm glad we stopped moving."

I felt myself smile. My God…I was smiling. When was the last time I smiled? I thought to myself.…Ha. I couldn't even remember.

"You did very well." I said, at a loss for anything else to say.


	2. Chapter 2

I could feel his tender breath on my face-- the smell of his sweat lingering in my nose, just like that day in the barracks. It was…a very calming smell.

I continued to kneel there in the mud, holding him, not sure what to do next. Zack stood next to us, half-smiling and looking downward. Cloud closed his eyes and his head rolled sideways towards my shoulder.

"Thank ye very much for helpin' us, strangers…pardon me, but are you the Great Sephiroth?"

One of the farmers was standing in the rain speaking to us. I wasn't listening to him. I was only paying attention to the restless beating of my own heart.

"Yeah, we're from Shinra to help with the monster problem." Zack answered the farmer.

"Oh please, then, come inside and have something to eat, won't you? The road gets really muddy when it rains. Not safe to drive." the woman replied.

"Your friend looks hurt. Do you have materia that can help him?"

"Yeah, but he's already used his limit for today. Too dangerous to expose your blood to too much Mako energy."

"Oh then, we can just clean im' up and you can cure him tomorrow when his level's down, eh? Come on inside. Its too cold out here in the rain."

The conversation was still going on when Zack kneeled next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Hey boss? Let's go inside, okay? Get something to eat. We'll start fresh tomorrow."

"Yes. Agreed." I finally said. Lifting Cloud carefully in my arms I told the driver to park the truck in the cottage's front yard and to come inside with us. Then we all huddled inside the small living room and were given blankets and towels to dry ourselves off with and stay warm. The lady offered me a bed to put Cloud on, which I accepted gratefully. She offered to clean him up for me but I still felt somewhat responsible for the situation, so I told her it wasn't necessary. I decided to do it myself.

Zack went out to the truck and fetched our bags for a change of clothes. After I threw on another pair of uniform pants and a black shirt, I quickly went back out to Cloud. I took off his boots and his shirt, drying off his wild, blonde hair in the process. Timidly I pulled off his slacks and quickly slid him under the covers so he wouldn't be cold while I searched his bag to find dry clothing. While I sat next to him rummaging through his duffle bag, I stumbled upon a small notebook. It was filled from cover to cover with poetry. It was still horrible poetry, but it was still in that same passionate script handwriting that he had used as he wrote furiously in the barracks. I treasured to read that handwriting.

Why had I never felt anything as undisciplined and wild as this? Why did I take no joy out of any activity in life like Cloud did? These were the questions I asked myself as I slipped the journal back in his duffle bag and retrieved a white undershirt to put on him.

The kind lady came in and handed me some cleaner and bandages for his hands, so I decided to take care of that before finishing everything else. Less chance of infection.

The blankets and sheets of the bed only covered up to the middle of his chest, and my eyes wandered his exposed flesh despite my wishes. They journeyed every curve of him like a mountain path-- though each crevasse, curve and rise. A sixteen year old boy. A boy. …Practically perfect skin. Slight farmer's tan. Tiny scars on his fingers from picking vegetables or climbing rocks or doing whatever it is that boys do. I wouldn't know.

Again my heart was beating faster than it should. I couldn't deny it. I wanted to touch his skin. I wanted to run my fingers through all the crevasses and curves and rises that my eyes had discovered. And not only that, but I wanted to push into his skin. I wanted to move it. But why?

Instinct had stolen away my actions again. After I finished cleaning his cuts and wrapping them, I began to massage his hands and his forearms. I watched hungrily as my thumbs and fingertips pushed into his flesh and displaced it. It fascinated me, the way his muscles moved under the skin. As my hands made circles into the surface, his tissue would also move in circles in rhythm with my hands…commanded by my hands.

We humans are such delicate creatures.

I felt him moving now under my touch. I could tell he was waking up. Undecided if I should pretend to be reading or try to quickly leave or do something else, I finally settled on staying where I was, doing what I was. I slowly came back to reality as Cloud awoke, gently opening those electric blue eyes. Such blue eyes that I have never even seen before.

I could hear Zack and our driver talking with the farmers in the living room, and the clang of pots and pans as the kind lady fixed us dinner in the kitchen. Cloud rolled his head a little to the left, then towards me, his voice groaning softly in his throat. Such a…perfect sound.

After he blinked a few times, his eyes focused on me. When he realized what was happening I felt his arm go tense and he tried to pull away from me; his face turned a bright crimson and he began to stutter again.

"Captain, sir…I-I…did I pass out? I'm sorry…"

I did not let his arm escape my grasp. I continued rubbing my fingers into him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I didn't want to let go. I felt urgency- I felt alertness. I had to keep holding on to him no matter what it cost me.

"Don't be sorry. It was entirely my fault you got hurt. When you're ready we'll eat and then head to the hotel. Tomorrow we'll cure your hands and start fresh."

I felt him relax in my grip and he sunk back into the pillows. I watched his eyes very carefully-- they hazed over slightly and they became half-lidded.

"I don't want us to waste time just because of me, sir…" he whispered.

"Don't worry about that. To be honest…I'm quite tired myself."

Looking for something to say, I looked out the window briefly. "Its stopped raining." I said.

Cloud smiled. "That's good."

His face was now a little less crimson, but it still maintained a slight blush. As I hit a tight nerve in his knuckle, he groaned with closed lips and closed his eyes entirely.

"Thank you sir. That feels…m…good. But you don't have to do that if yo--"

"I want to."

For a long time he did not answer. His blush deepened every so slightly, but he was smiling.

"Thank you, sir."

Dinner was served not long after our conversation had ended. I had left Cloud alone so he could get dressed, and we all met in the dining room for an excellent vegetable stew.

"So, are you in town long, sir?" the kind lady asked me half way through the meal.

"Only until the town's problem is neutralized." I answered absentmindedly. I had been staring at Cloud the entire time, making sure he was alright. I could tell he was wincing every time he clutched the spoon with his hand and lifted it to his mouth, but he was trying not to show it. Zack sat next to him and occasionally rubbed his back affectionately. Cloud always smiled in a painful sort of way and continued to eat.

"They've given us seven days, so we'll be here that long at the most." Zack added to the kind lady's question.

"Are you going up to the reactor?"

"Eventually, yes."

"Ah, you should take a guide up the mountain, sir. It's a treacherous climb."

"I shall bear that in mind, thank you."

"And how are you doing, young man?" the kind lady asked Cloud.

Zack laughed and patted Cloud on the back. Cloud looked as if he had swallowed something very foul.

"Ma'am, you couldn't of called him anything worse." Zack said. "He hates being babied."

The kind lady looked amused and put her hand on top of Cloud's. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I didn't meant to offend you."

"Hey, perhaps you know each other? You know this is Cloud Strife? He used to live in this town."

"I know you, Mrs. Terrace. You used to be my teacher in middle school."

"Cloud…Strife…? Oh yes! Cloud! The short little boy who was always getting teased by the other children. Dear, I heard you went to go join Soldier years ago! You actually did it?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, I'm so happy for you, dear. But if you don't mind me saying so, it's a good thing the Great Sephiroth was there today to look after you, otherwise your mother would be heartbroken, am I right?"

Clearly embarrassed, Cloud looked at Zack, then at me. His gaze at me lasted much longer.

"Yes, ma'am. But one day, I'll be much, much stronger."

For yet another reason I couldn't explain to myself, it pained me to see Cloud humiliated like that. So quickly I excused ourselves and we loaded into the truck. After a very warm thank you we drove off and down the road for ten more miles until we reached the city limits. Zack sat across from me, sleeping, and Cloud sat on my right. He kept his eyes closed the entire time, perhaps from the motion sickness. That seemed to be the most logical answer.

I didn't want to think of an excuse. Nervously I pulled one of his hands over to me and unwrapped it slowly so I could examine it fully. He looked at me like a wild animal with a gun in its face. I could feel him shaking violently at my touch.

Was I making him nervous? Was he angry that I was touching him? I assumed not. Assuming is never a safe thing to do, but I wanted this. For once I didn't care what others thought.

"Definitely would need stitches if we didn't have materia." I blurted out. Then I wrapped his hand again but did not let go of it. I let it rest in my grasp on my knee, and slowly I felt his smaller fingers entwine around mine, asking permission without a word. I replied by softly massaging his fingers, absentmindedly.

I had no idea what I was doing.

It wasn't long after that before we were pulling up to the hotel and unloading our bags. The sun was just preparing to set, and there was a hazy cloud of orange over the air.

"I'll carry those for you, buttercup." Zack said, yawning.

"No, that's okay. Thanks Zack." Cloud replied. I saw him gritting his teeth as he picked his bags up, but I let him do as he wished. I respected him trying to prove his worth, though in my eyes, he had already proved it. There was no doubt in my mind at this point that my initial opinion of Cloud was very, very wrong.

Thankfully the hotel had followed my directions and kept our arrival very quiet. I didn't want a bunch of cameras and incessant questions nagging at me at the moment. There was even a waiter with a glass of gin waiting at the front door, just as I had requested. Taking the glass, I sent the other two ahead upstairs as I checked in at the desk.

"Everything is ready for you, sir." The innkeeper said to me as he handed me four keys. I looked carefully at the tags on the keys.

"These keys are for only two rooms. I specifically requested four separate rooms for our party. Why are these to only two rooms?" I asked angrily.

I could tell I had intimidated him. "I am so sorry, Sir Sephiroth, but please try to understand…we are a very small inn. We only have four rooms, and two of those are occupied…"

"We are from the Shinra Company." I barked. "Make accommodations."

Practically livid, I downed the glass in one swallow, slammed it on the desk, stormed up the stairs and opened one of our doors. I took Cloud's bags from his hands and put them in the room, then I took my own from the hall and put them in the same room. They all stared at me, clearly confused as I handed Zack and the driver their set of keys, then Cloud his key.

"I will personally look after Cloud." I stated in a manner that made not a single one of them want to question me. "lieutenant, in one hour you and I will have a meeting downstairs in the lounge. We will then go over possible causes for the mutations and possible locations of the monsters. Moray," I turned to our driver, "You will take the first watch shift. As for Cloud, you are dismissed until 20:00 hours to visit your family and friends if you desire. I expect you back here exactly on time. Is everyone clear?"

"Yes sir." They answered me in unison. And off we all went in our various directions.

I slammed the door behind me and paced one time around the room. Then I opened the door and yelled "GIN!" down the staircase. About thirty seconds later the innkeeper came up with an entire bottle of gin on a tray for me, along with a clean glass. I snapped at him, asking him what had taken him so long, then slammed the door in his face and paced around the room a few more times.

I opened the door once again and screamed, "TONIC!"

A few seconds later, the innkeeper came up with a very large bottle of tonic.

I snatched it and paced a few more times before repeating the actions once again, only this time screaming, "ICE!" but the innkeeper was already standing in the doorway with the ice bucket and tongs, so I had actually simply yelled in his face. A little embarrassed, I murmured a 'thank you' and slammed the door.

Taking a large swig from the bottle of gin, I yanked open all the curtains and found a lovely view. Nothing but tall, shady trees blowing softly in the breeze, slowly shaking each drop of water from the previous rain off their leaves. That helped some. So did the Gin.

I flopped down in a chair and ran my fingers through my thin hair. What was this feeling? Why did it bring me joy and frustration at the same time? I hadn't felt his way yesterday…or the day before that…

Then again, I hadn't seen Cloud in several months.

I had to think of the implications of this thing. If you aren't satisfied, man, you're going to have to ask him if you can pursue it further. That's all there is to it! But even if he says yes, he's your subordinate. Think what it would mean to the company!

To hell with the company. They would let me do pretty much whatever I wanted anyway. Its not like they can say no. I mean look at all the completely-against-policy things that happen between Scarlet, Heidigger, and Palmer…

But you've always thought of yourself as that archetype, haven't you? The hero. The one who follows the rules through and through. Much like Tseng. Well man, its not like you've had much else to base yourself upon , is it?

But why the hell not?

Ask yourself truly. This is the only thing you've ever really, really wanted. You've studied. You're educated. You could probably recite the entirety of old continent art history in an hour! But did you really feel anything about learning those things? Did they ever make you feel like this…? As if rules and regulations and all of it mean nothing at all in the light of this feeling?

And what is this feeling, anyway?

Let us try our best to describe it…

I feel…heat…in the pit of my stomach. Like all of my lower insides are pressure cooking and are about to explode. When I see his skin, there is an…urgency to touch it and keep touching it no matter what happens, as if I can't stop. Whether he wants it or not I want to push myself against him and feel the entirety of his body with the entirety of mine.

I brushed my fingers against my own lips, hoping perhaps to taste Cloud's sweat and smell on them.

You should talk to him.

I hear a knock on the door.

"Boss, you want to start the meeting? Its been a little over an hour."

I'm late? I've never been late for anything in my life, especially something that I myself have planned. What a day.

"Very well. I'll meet you in the lounge shortly." I called out from behind the door.

I could hear Zack's hesitance. "…Whatever you say, boss."

His footsteps echoed down the hall.

I yanked the door open and yelled after him, "And order me some good gin, for Gaia's sake. Not water in a gin shaped bottle."

For over an hour Zack and I poured over maps of the town and reported sightings and observations of the monsters by the townspeople in the miserable, dark lounge. We mildly concluded that the mutations were probably being caused by some security in the reactor shutting down and animals wandering into it and getting infected by something. I decided to leave it at that. The meeting was very dry and both of us weren't in much of a mood to discuss it in detail. Besides, it was getting close to eight o'clock, and I wanted to be back in the room by the time Cloud arrived.

As Zack and I walked up the stairs, he touched my arm and stopped me just as we were about to enter our rooms. I turned towards him and looked intently, waiting.

"Uhm, boss…" Zack began. He rubbed the back of his head and nervously propped himself against the door. It wasn't like Zack to be nervous or timid about anything.

"I dunno if I should tell you this, considerin' I don't really know how you…ya know, feel about um, guys n'all."

"What on Gaia are you talking about?"

"Look, all I'm trying to say is that…ah, please don't tell him I told you but… you're more than just Cloud's hero, boss. He wants to…_be_ with you."

"He is with me. And you. And Moray, and…"

"No, boss, you don't understand what I'm sayin'." Zack continued. Then it dawned on me.

"Look, all I'm sayin' is that he…really cares about you, okay? So you might not want to be too friendly with him. It'll break his heart. Ya know?"

"…Your advice will be duly noted." I said calmly. All the anger had suddenly left me.

Zack finally cracked a smile. "Thanks, boss. Sorry I had to bring it up…to be honest I thought ya'd kill me or something, but…it needed to be said. Thanks for listenin', boss. Oh, and uh…don' t tell Cloud I said anything, will ya?"

"Very well. You and Moray are on watch tonight. Take turns at three hour intervals."

"Yes sir. G'night, sir."


	3. Chapter 3

We each closed our doors simultaneously and locked them. I then unbuttoned my jacket and threw it over the desk chair. I had thought I was alone, but then I saw him. Cloud was standing by the window, staring at the treetops silently.

Slowly I approached him and stood next to him by the window. I too looked out at the trees. The sun had set completely now. A slight purple hue dusted the top of each leaf as the light disappeared for the evening. The water had vanished. The breeze still rustled the branches softly. The leaves brushing against each other in the wind was like some ancient kind of music I had always longed to hear. This was the night.

"How are you hands?" I asked him. My own hands were folded behind my back in the most professional stance I could manage, though they were sweating.

He smiled and briefly looked at me before looking back at the trees. "Fine, sir. They don't hurt, really." He lifted them up to show me. "I still have them, thanks to you."

"How long have you been back?"

"Nearly an hour sir."

"Didn't you go see your mother?"

"I did, sir, but I told her I'd be back later. To be honest…I wanted to get back here in case you needed something."

"A soldier who thinks of his duty before himself will go far in the company." I said blankly. He nodded.

"Cloud…"

"Yes, sir?"

"Don't call me that right now."

"Yes si-- okay."

For a long time, we were silent. I couldn't finish my sentence. Then he told me, "I heard what you and Zack were talking about in the hallway."

"I see." I answered him. Out of the corner of my eye I could see tears pricking at his eyes. Please, please. You're too beautiful to cry. "Is it true?" I ask.

"Yes sir," his voice broke, "but I want you to know that I will never let that compromise my work ethic or my duty to th--"

"You are very passionate about your poetry, are you not?"

"What?"

"Answer me."

He sucked up his tears and stared as hard as he could at the window. "Yes."

"What makes you feel…passionate about it?" I asked as I paced around him quietly.

"Well…" Cloud began, pausing and wrinkling his brow. Occasionally he still sniffed and wiped his nose. "I guess I was born feeling passionate about it, ya know? I just think its really beautiful when you can describe how you feel in a few short words. I think that's the hardest thing to do."

"I have never felt… passion." I ventured. Already my arms were aching to hold him as I had in the rain only a few short, yet very long, hours ago.

"Never? About anything?"

"No."

"Not about a song you've heard? Or a play? Or when you fight for something noble and courageous? Never?"

"Please…tell me what it feels like."

He looked at me again, then away. "Its like being in pain and being in love at the same time. Your stomach hurts because you want something so bad. And you get goose bumps, and you get fascinated by every little thing about it…and you can't think of anything else. Sir, I'm sure you've felt passion. I think everyone has at some time."

"…You're very right." I answered him. Boldly I walked towards him, facing him, looking down into his eyes. I had never been more afraid, but that is how life is, I suppose. Its easier to fight a thousand foes than to fight the foe within yourself.

"I think then I have felt passion, but not until recently. Not until I saw you write that poem with your hands…"

He then looked up into my eyes, facing me. We were so close, but before I consummated this…before I made it the way it was meant to be, I had to know.

"Is this…what I feel for you…is this passion?"

I saw his face break into a gigantic smile as he turned the small gap between us into nothing. I felt his arms wrap around my waist, and I too put my arms around his shoulders, breathing him in, so deep. He smelled like the trees and the dirt and the wild and everything that I should not be all in one, perfect unison.

"I can't think strait…" I whispered. "My whole life this is how its been, and then I saw you…I saw the real you scribbling on that piece of paper…and now, its infected me, too."

What Tseng would call imperfection.

Gently I pulled his face away from my chest and raised his chin to look up at me. Both of us were trembling violently.

"But it is something I will never, ever regret." I said. Even if it is imperfect. One must decide, eventually…when to live their own life, and not live it for others.

Then in a tangle of arms and sweat, we kissed each other. I did not kiss him. He did not kiss me. We. Kissed. Each other.

And in that blessed moment I felt all the things that I had longed to feel my entire life. Love, affirmation, electricity, passion…all flooding into my brain at once and making me forget what I am or was or will be.

Madly, hotly I drove my mouth harder into his, his timid tongue pushing between my lips to taste me fully as I tasted him. I tasted salt and heat and his soft, perfect tongue dancing with mine with such passion it should have killed us both.

My hand pulled the back of his neck towards me so that our kiss almost hurt. His sleeveless top was completely delightful-- I ran my greedy hands over that perfect skin and I began to push harder and harder into it until I heard him groan under me.

With a hard smacking sound we managed to separate our lips, pouring our breath still into each other's mouths, we were so close, exhaling what the other inhaled, inhaling what the other exhaled. Our sweat intermingled upon our skin and I felt his hardness against my leg, just as he felt mine.

"Please…" I panted. "Let me touch you…just let me touch you…"

"Yes…yes, yes, yes…" he hardly said. "Whatever you want, I want to be only…only yours, please…"

We haphazardly tried to move towards the bed, which proved to be impossible, so I picked him up in my arms and carried him. He didn't seem to care- he only continued to kiss me-- a better blessing I could not have asked for. Laying him down on the bed, I pushed my hands under his shirt to touch what I couldn't earlier that day-- I poured all of my frustrations on him all at once. Climbing on top of him, I let my fingers push and pull his skin and watch how each part of it moved. I moved his shirt all the way up to his chin, running my tongue up along the crevasse in the middle of his chest. He moaned and fisted my hair pushing me away because it was so intense, pulling me to him so it would never stop.

Then I found those delicious little bits of flesh that haunted all of my thoughts. With one hand I trapped his wrists together above his hand and with the other I massaged the under part of one side of his chest, milking his breast as if he were a woman. He howled and squirmed under me, panting how much he loved me…loved me…

Then with my hand I pinched that beautiful, hard, cold nipple and bit his ear. I knew that, at least for my part, the feeling was an exquisite one when applied to myself, and he seemed to feel the same way. I wanted to give him the feelings I felt when I touched myself. I wanted to make him climax.

All in due time. For this time is to satisfy my curiosities- to satisfy my every whim. He was giving the control of himself to me. He told me that he was all mine. I intended to take full advantage of the situation.

Licking and massaging with my tongue his neck and ear, finally I ripped his shirt off entirely and seized his mouth with mine. My hands groped around for anything to keep his hands above his head, and when I only found the sheets, I thought that would have to do. Taking a corner of them, I wrapped them around his wrists and then tied them to the bed post. Ah, yes. Now that's better. I'll just take both of my fingertips here and brush lightly on both of his nipples until he begs me for more.

I suckled on his neck as my hands continued their ministrations. His voice became louder and louder, to the point that I gently took a fingertip and put it over his mouth. As much as I loved hearing him, I did not want to cause a ruckus outside.

I wanted him to be solely mine, and with no interruptions.

All awkwardness was gone. All questions answered. Only he and I amongst the bed sheets and our own salty sweat and saliva.

Ripping off the rest of my clothes as well as his, I finally take a good long look at my prize for the evening. A beautiful, perfect, naked, delicious thing that loves me and only me. Helpless and gorgeous and I'm a hungry wolf wanting to devour every last bit of flesh.

I pushed his legs apart slowly. I can tell he's scared, but I hope to overwhelm his fear with passion as my mouth now suckles his nipple. With a wet finger I massage the other, and with my hips I force his legs to come apart even more.

"L-look at me…" he panted. "Own me. Own my body."

That drunk look in his eyes is enough to make me climax on its own. With my hands I hold his knees and lean back so I can see the full extent of his arousal. His gorgeous, throbbing red is begging me.

As I touched his skin his emotions were so strong I could _feel_ them in the air around me. I caressed his face with one of my hands and in his eyes I could see everything he said, how he was frightened, how he had never done this before, how he wanted me, needed me, wanted to give me everything that I needed.

I turned him over and licked his back, making his hips buck and his back arch at the sensation. I massaged his chest with one hand and pull his hair gently with the other, just to see if he likes that. He does. He moans in approval and leans against the headboard, his gorgeous entrance pushing upwards to meet me, and the taste and the heat and yes, oh God yes, the euphoria of it all is swallowing me whole….

Not yet. Not yet. You don't want to hurt him.

I decide to crawl underneath him and look very carefully at the erection that is solely for me. Think that again…yes… solely for me…what an intoxicating thought. With one hand I take his sac, in the other his sex. He moans and arches his back more to give me fuller access. I thank him by stroking him harder and wetting my hands with saliva.

A drop of pre-climax drips slowly out of his head. Quietly I lick it up, marveling at the taste-- how its just as wild as his sweat. To be bold I place his entire sex in my mouth and suckle gently, trying not to touch it with my teeth. My assumption would be that would be painful, or at the least alarming.

He loves it. He loves me. He cries and he wants to shout but instead he bites the sheets in his euphoria. Increasingly aware of my need for release, I turn him over on his back once again and lay on top of him, massaging his sides and backside, his inner thigh…

"Do you want this…do you want…me?" I ask him, licking my fingers and touching timidly the ring of muscle between his legs.

"Yes. Yes, please. I want you to…"

His voice turns to a whisper.

"I love you."

I need no more encouragement. Holding his legs open as best I can and untying his hands, I slowly push two fingers into him. The sensation is hot, slick, tight. So, so tight. His face becomes something of a grimace and something of a moan.

I soon push it to three. This time he cries out not in pain but delight-- apparently I have touched something that was very much to his liking. Both he and I are learning. I'm not sure what it was that I did.

"What did you feel?" I asked him, caressing his face.

He pushed one of his hands against the one I had on his face, as if to keep it there forever. He looked as if he valued the touch more than anything in the world.

I felt such warmth in my heart.

"D-deeper…" he stuttered. "It…it…ah! Yes! Yes!"

That crooning and moaning is just about all I can stand. With a slight pause, I push my way into him. Ah, yes. Yes, this is the feeling. Tight, hot, wet, all around me, pushing on me all at once, bombarding me on all sides. I fist his erection hard so he feels the overwhelming pleasure that I do. His fingertips with their tiny scars clawing my skin, his back arching. Then his arms wrap around my neck, with a thousand 'I- love-yous flowing through the air to my ears. And finally, I feel him tighten even more around me; I seize up in him, and we both come to utopia, screaming, me into him, him onto me.

I collapsed onto him and into the tangle of sheets. I'm so, so tired, but it's a pleasant tired…one I've never had before. I could feel his fingers exploring me-- wanting to know me as fully as I had known him. I feel his lips kiss my neck gently, then my chest. Then I felt him pick up one my hands and he puts one of my fingers in his mouth, pushing it in and out, in and out. The image of it was superb, and if I wasn't so tired, I would probably be aroused again. Apparently, he's not through.

He settles himself suckling on my chest for a few minutes-- something I'm not about to argue with…mm, God, that feels good…

His tiny little tongue laps and explores the entirety of my body. He pushes my knee between his legs and he moans. It seems now he's got my interest again; I push my knee harder to his liking and pull the small of his back towards me. This makes his back into a gorgeous arch-- one I love to look at. I grab his backside harshly and push his body into mine-- our masses fighting now for the same space. The taste of him…I cannot have enough of it.

And then he does something I never expected him to do.

He climbed on top of me and pushed my half-hardness into himself. Strateling me between his legs, he pushes and pulls himself down and up on my shaft, the sight of him doing this now making me harder than ever before. He lets his head fly back. I listen to him breathe. He's so aroused that he exhales long and harsh, and he inhales hardly at all. I take my hand to his sex and he touches his own chest in reply, caressing his delicate stomach muscles, teasing his nipples.

How could I have had this right in front of me for so long and never really _seen _it.


	4. Chapter 4

"We should try and sleep."

"Okay."

"…Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah…I just…don't really want to waste the time sleeping."

"I know how you feel, but we've got a job to do tomorrow."

"I know…but I want to give you something." Cloud said.

"What is that?"

"A present! I made it for you."

He hopped out of bed and rummaged through his duffle bag, retrieving the tiny little book that I had found earlier that day. He handed to me and smiled.

"They say you don't have a birthday."

"No, I don't."

"Well, this is for your birthday."

Frankly, I was touched. I once again flipped through the pages of scribbled handwriting, then held my arms out to him. He crawled in bed once again and pushed himself against me, clearly content.

Wrapping my arms around him, I smiled for the second time that day.

"You told me to keep writing." he said.

"…Thank you. …So today is my birthday?"

"March twenty-third. Everyone should have a birthday."

For a long time, we were silent. Then I sighed and leaned my head against his, finally letting out the heavy burden that was on my heart.

"I'm not what everyone thinks I am, Cloud. I'm not a hero. I've killed people…who were just fighting for their choice. What kind of a hero is that?"

"You're a hero because you know that it was wrong."

"But then everyone is a hero."

"Exactly. That's what dad used to tell me."

"…If I was a real hero, wouldn't I leave the company ?"

"No." Cloud said, sitting up in the bed. "No you wouldn't, because its all you know. They've been good to you. There are just a few bad things that they do, too. Maybe by staying with the Shinra, we can stop those bad things from happening."

I smiled at him and kissed his forehead. "What a wonderful idealist you are."

After that I turned off the lights and put the covers over both of us. There are two beds, but we'll only need one, I think. We'll take a good long shower in the morning.

Three a.m. I see the light turn on in the bathroom. I feel the empty space in the bed next to me. I hear tiny gasping noises coming from beyond the door. I decide to investigate.

And there I see Cloud, beautiful, naked, stroking himself as fast as he can, panting in between gasps,

"Oh Sephiroth, Sephi-…Sephiroth…"

He's watching himself in the mirror in front of him, twisting his nipple, biting his fingers, stroking his sac, fingering himself as deep as he can to hit that utopia that we discovered together.

I make sure to stand out of the reflection of the mirror so I can watch him. Gorgeous.

Finally he sees me and his face flushes, but he only slows his pace, he doesn't stop.

"By all means, continue." I whisper. I feel myself hard at the prospect.

I sit on the edge of the tub so I can get the front view of him. It should be a sin to watch something so beautiful.

I can't stand it much longer. I walk behind him and thrust my fingers into him. He gasps and I take over his handwork, whispering slyly into his year, "What a wonderful idealist you are."

10 o'clock am and we're just getting started. I've sent Zack out into the village to rent us an extra truck to haul back any broken equipment we find and also a guide that can lead us up the mountain path. I don't like to get the day going so late, but it was very, very hard to get out of bed. After all, I had some very, very good reasons for staying there.

I check Cloud's blood level at Breakfast, and the machine confirms that its safe for him to be exposed to materia. I heal his hands and only two very faint scars remain-- they will fade in a week or two.

Zack comes back with the extra truck at 10 fifteen and says the guide will meet us past the Shinra Mansion. That's fine with me-- Zack and the guide can ride in the other truck and Moray can drive us. It will at least give us a few more moments together before the real work begins.

"Who's the guide?" I asked Zack, rubbing my temples from the enormous headache I had from lack of sleep.

"Some chick, Tifa Lockheart. She's young, but they say she's the best guide if you wanna go up the mountains. Pretty hot, too. You don't mind if I hit on her, do ya, boss?"

"Not in the slightest."

"I'll just ride in the other truck with her then. See ya, boss. Later buttercup!"

He patted Cloud on the back and jumped in the truck. Cloud and I, who were standing next to each other, turned towards one another and smiled.

I of course had enough respect for Cloud not to engage him in a moving truck where he often found himself motion sick. But instead of letting him sit on his own with his head between his legs, he sat next to me, his hand in mine, and his head against my shoulder. I kissed his forehead and felt a peace I had only felt the night before, and was quickly getting used to.

"Who's our guide?" he whispered to me, his eyes closed.

"A young lady."

"Wonder if I know her?"

"Lets not worry about it right now."

"Yes, Sephiroth."

"Cloud." I said to him, locking his fingers in between mine and swallowing myself.

"Yes, Sephiroth?"

"…I love you too."

That was five, nearly six years ago, that that happened. And now here I am, dead to the world, awaiting Cloud to return the black materia to me. It will be the last present he will ever give to me, and it will be against his will. After all, he is still the idealist, and I am still driven solely by instinct.

But for what it's worth, I still love him.


End file.
